Wanting to know what risk feels like

A couple of days ago I had my first experience on a ropes course. We only had a short time at this facility and so the piece I chose to do was what was described as the most fearsome of all the apparati. It was affectionately dubbed “the Pamper pole” after the diaper brand.

The Pamper pole is a a 10 meter high log stood on its end with a platform on top. It has little cleats that you can climb up and the point of the exercise is to get to the top, stand on a platform and leap into space to grab at a bar hanging two meters in front of you.

I have no real fear of heights, and I had no trust issues with my belay crew, so getting up wasn’t hard at all. Standing on the platform though and contemplating jumping out into space was a little strange. I generally pride myself on being able to handle change and chaos pretty well and there are times when I have jumped into figurative unknowns without a problem. But standing on that rickety platform, trying to centre my attention in my core rather than in my knees, I found myself staring at the bar and wanting more information. I wanted to know how it would feel to miss, and how it would feel to actually leap, safety net be damned.

That held me back for a few minutes, and frankly it surprised me. Despite all the safety that I knew was there, I was looking for one more piece, and it was the most intangible and impossible piece. How was I possibly going to get that information other than by jumping?

Interesting. I can see this in many people and groups I work with: looking for impossible information before jumping into something new. Either we suck it up and leap, or we simply shy away and never know what it could have been like.

Been there?