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Dina Mehta lost a cousin in Gujarat last week in a tragic car accident. In traveling back to be with her family, she reflected on the Indian Joint Family, a family structure where everyone lives under the same roof, but the structure of the house is flexible and malleable to reflect the relationships in the dwelling:
This is a classic Indian Joint Family – man and wife, three sons and their wives and children. Individual quarters built for each of the sons and their families – yet under one roof with common kitchen, dining and washing areas. Provisions made to partition the home in case of rifts. That’s the structure – but what really struck us were the relationships and interactions. The grandparents are old, have been really hit badly by this – yet were always encouraging the younger ones to get on with life. The sons going off to work – but dropping in almost every hour – silent support. The daughters-in-law (including the mother who had lost her child 4 days ago) working cohesively and harmoniously – looking after so many guests – food, laundry etc – yet spending time with us sharing stories about the young girl, breaking into tears sometimes, one taking over when the other was distraught, at other times smiling and enthusiastically showing us the house they had just moved into a year ago, and buying local goodies for us to sample from the hawkers that came by the door. The children too – lovingly tending garlanded photos of their cousin, never once letting the incense sticks or lamps go out.
I was quite touched by how the structure of the house, and the family came to be used in a time of crises, creating a robust environment of care. Even in the midst of grief, everyone is looked after and there is space to cry, space to socialize, space to be alone, and still the incense keeps burning and all are fed.
